


I'm Not Gay!... Yet? (Completed)

by Yaoi_Is_My_Life_1995



Series: I'm Not Gay [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Hopeful Ending, Love, M/M, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-02-10 11:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 7,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12910872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yaoi_Is_My_Life_1995/pseuds/Yaoi_Is_My_Life_1995
Summary: Raven has always lived on the wild side. He is openly gay yet when he meets the man of his dreams he finds out he's not gay. What will Raven do if the man he falls for is a severe homophobe?Leo a.k.a Loki-Kun is a senior at his University. During the night he was planning on going on a date with a girl from his class. When he ends up being forced to pick up his younger brother at a gay bar he is forced into is worse nightmares. He's a homophobe. His life does a 180 when he wakes up the next morning with a man in his bed. What will he do when he realizes he might have a slight attraction to the man?





	1. Gay Bar Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before we begin  
> This is yaoi so if you don't like don't read. I have another account on here if you wish to read some of my others on there. Yes i'm a girl and no i'm not crazy. I just love yaoi. Thanks and hope you enjoy. so have fun no hate comments and yaoi on.

**Raven's POV**

_I can't believe i'm here again._  I'm drinking my sorrows away at the only gay bar in town.  _Bar Akacia._  Yet again I was told to leave in my college class because the teacher hates gays.  _He called me a faggot and said he doesn't teach to the trash of the earth. Well fuck him too. I hate the bastard anyway he's just like my family. Fucking homophobic_ _people_ _. Why are there even any of them around?_

 _We are people too._  I sat down next to some kid.  _Wonder what he is doing here? He looks young._  I hear the normals all getting up to great me. I frown and run my hand though my hair for their benefit. They all start breathing hard. I take a deep breath and plaster on my fake smile that turns them hard instantly. I stand up just as they get near and and turn that smile on them. "Why hello boys, did you miss me that much that you would come to greet me?"

The kid is looking at me with a smirk on his face. He then turns away and downs his drink before ordering another. He ordered a round of bourbon for me and then went to go sit at the secluded booth in the back. I smirked before picking up the bourbon and heading after the kid.  _Who is this kid? Maybe he is like me? Hating life with a burning passion. Yup that's me._  He interests me so i'm going to go talk to him. I slip into the booth across from him.

"Hi, i'm Raven. Thanks for the bourbon, how did you know its what I like to drink?" I say holding out my hand for him to shake. He took it with a smile then went back to drinking his drink. _I wonder if he is going to tell me his name._

"I'm Ito. Nice to meet you and I just guessed. Bourbon suits you but your flamboyant fake attitude does not." I blinked at his words.  _How did he...? How could he tell that all that was fake? Wow this kid is good. I like him already. I think i'll buy him a beer._  "Oh and by the way it seems you have a line starting for your attention."

He pointed and I turned to look at the crowd that had indeed formed near our booth just out of earshot. I frowned, took a swing of my drink, then turned to them. _I hate this._  My silent thoughts never got heard.  _Maybe I should just end it all before this gets worse._  I pushed those thoughts away raising my fake smile. The first guy came forward with a book in his hand.

 _I froze. Oh no its one of my fans. Not here not now._  I smiled up at the man hoping it was a mistake and that he hadn't really been found out so easily. The guy grinned and sat the book before me. I inwardly cringed. "What can I do for you, sir?"

"Could you get the author to sign this for me? I heard you were good friends with her. She's a fantastic writer and I would be in your debt if you did. Please, Angel-Kun?" I lowered my head and pulled out a notepad out of my bag and a pen.  _This is going to be a waist of time but he's a fan of my work despite knowing that he thinks i'm a woman. Nobody but my editor has seen my face and my gender. I hope this doesn't get me stalked._

"Write down your name and address here, then set the book in the seat beside me. I'll go get it signed after I leave tonight then mail it back to you. Leave a phone number too in case she can't read your writing. Please put it in the book's pages so she knows who to return it to. Is that okay with you, Ken-San?" The guy nodded and quickly took the pen.

This went on for two hours. It seemed even women were traveling into the gay bar to ask if I could get them a signature. I talked with Ito in between all this and even got several phone numbers handed to me from both men and women. We talked until the last person in the bar left. We were alone except for the bartender and owner and the mountain of books. Each had a slip of paper in the pages with a name and address.

I groaned as I stood and let my hair down from its hair tie. "Hime is going to be pissed when I get home with all these books. Riuchi can you help me carry some of these books out to my car again? There's a lot less this time than last month's autograph fiasco." The bartender looked to the owner and when he nodded he came around to help me. Ito grabbed some and followed us out the back door to a Titanium Silver Metallic 354 BMW parked in the alleyway.

We filled the trunk, back seat, and floorboard with the books. I leaned against my car breathing in the night air as the last books were set down. Ito leaned beside me. He looked like he was tired. I lead him back inside and we sat down to talk with the owner before we left. I picked up both of our tabs without Ito knowing. "Hey, Raven, my daughter wants an autographed copy as well but I don't have a copy to give you."

"Yah, I would be happy too. Here I actually have a copy in my school bag that I bought for her birthday. She's sixteen tomorrow right?" I pulled out two books one bound in red leather the other in blue. I flipped open both copies and pulled out a fancy ink pen. I autographed both and then put a note in each one on the inner cover and the back cover. Smiling I closed them and turned the owner. "Here you go, Bennith, don't forget to wrap them nicely for her. The red leather bound one is a special edition copy of the last book and the blue leather bound one is a first edition print of the one that comes out in two weeks. Not a soul has that copy but my editor, myself, and now her. I hope it makes her day."

Ito was sitting in the back booth waiting for me to get done talking with Bennith. I walked back over to him and he had fallen asleep. I didn't know his address so I set him in the front seat of my car and went to my place. I layed him in the guest bed after removing his shoes and putting the covers around him. I left him in the room and started carrying in all the books I would be signing tonight. I set them in my living room. Taking the book on top I started signing. All through the night I signed them until I fell asleep pen in hand with my head on the desk. The book I was about to do sat aside.


	2. Gay Bar Day 2

I stretched when I woke up. I had fallen asleep at my desk again. I looked at the pile of books I still had left to sign and frowned. I'll do them later. First I need coffee and breakfast.  _I wonder if the kid is hungry?_   _Maybe he'll wake up if I start cooking._  I walked into my room and changed into a pair of sweat pants before heading into the kitchen.

I whipped up a batch of chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and sausage. I heard a door open and then a yawn followed. I heard soft footsteps headed in this direction and I smirked. He peeked his head in just as I set the plates in the middle for us to get our food from. I looked up at him and smiled. "Morning. Are you hungry, Ito?"

"Where am I?" He asked. He sat down across from me. I grabbed a slice of bacon and bit into it.

"You fell asleep at the bar so I brought you here to my place to sleep it off. I promise I didn't do anything to you. I have been too busy with my work to care. Anyways your not my type." I said grabbing a book I had sat down in the other chair that was at the table set for four.

"Are you expecting someone else?" He asked and I smirked.

"Just wait for it." I held up a hand and counted down from five. "Five. Four. Three. Two... One. Zero." The front door crashed open and a shout was heard. An angry pink haired lady came barging into the kitchen and slammed her fist on the table scaring Ito but not fazing me. Yup she has pink hair.

"What the HELL is this supposed to be?" She shouted in my ear making me wince. I glared at her. She flapped a stack of papers in my face. I groaned and popped a chocolate chip pancake in my mouth to avoid answering her.

Ito was stuffing his mouth with eggs and looked terrified. I finished my pancake just as she stabbed me in the hand with the butter knife. Ito's fork dropped from his hand onto his plate with a thud. I just placed my head on the side of my other hand and looked at her. "Done with your tantrum yet?" I said looking bored up at her. Ito looked frightened that he might be next.


	3. Trouble Day 1

I didn't really care if Ito found out who I really was. I looked at the woman who had just stabbed me. "Are you done with your tantrum yet?" I watched her sit down on the other side of me. I jerked the knife from my hand and flung it across the room. It lodged in the wall next to several others.

"What the hell are you thinking sending this shit to the publishers?" She said. I took the papers from her. I flipped through them and frowned. I tossed the papers back at her.

"My next book. You think it's shit do you? Well let us recall who told me to right that shit in your hands. Do you remember a month ago? It. Was. You." I said returning to eating. I glanced a look at Ito. He looked petrified.  _Poor kid._

"Hey woman! I thought I told you to quit attacking my client?" A deep voice said from the doorway. I rolled my eyes and stuffed some eggs in my mouth. I finally looked up at the voice and nearly choked on my eggs. My eyes went wide.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" I said about to burst out of the room. I felt like I was being cornered by my past.  _What the hell is this guy thinking dressing like that? I might kill him for what he's wearing._  He ignores me. I slam my wounded hand on the table. What I growled out next caught his attention along with everyone else's. "I asked you a question you fucker now answer me! Why the HELL are you dressed like my old man?"

Ito was cowering in his seat, the lady was staring wide eyed at me, and he finally looked at his outfit. I was visibly shaking. "What's wrong with it? I don't remember your dad wearing anything this expensive? What the hell's gotten into you Raven?"

"You know damn well that my old man raped me while wearing the exact outfit. Why the fuck did you chose that outfit anyway? You were there, you saw the outfit well enough, brother." I stood up and nearly collapsed. Ito was the first to get to me. He caught me and I latched onto him as I felt the room spin.

"You haven't been sleeping have you?" Ito asked. My head shot up to look at him.  _How did he know?_  I stared wide eyed at him for a moment.

"If I said yes do you got a problem with it?" I said trying to stand by myself. He pushed me roughly into my seat at the table. He had a scowl on his face that made me slightly worried.  _Uh oh it seems I've done it now._

"I didn't figure out exactly who you were until seconds ago. Now that I know you are my brother's favorite author it pisses me off to see you act so nonchalantly during situations like this. You fucking stayed up all night signing books didn't you? You know I don't give a damn if you neglect these two but damn it you should care more for yourself." He sighed and didn't let me speak.

"I'll see you at the bar. I hope you don't screw up. My brother's obsessed with your books He has every copy of every book. Even the one that was sold on the internet because it was accidentally sold out t the public but never actually got published. Take care of yourself." He said then walked out after grabbing his shoes.

"I knew I liked that kid for a reason. He's brutally honest though. His words actually hurt. Hmm, He's smart too." I say leaning back in my chair. "Hey wait a minute he left and I was planning on taking him home. damn I let him slip away too easily. His brother sounds interesting though. I wonder if he'll introduce us?" I ignored the two people in the room.

"Sir?" I turned my attention to them now.

"Kathryn, can you please give me a day to write up something new. I was just struck with inspiration." I turned from the pink haired lady and to my brother. "Go home and change then come back and speak with me about whatever you came here for, Tyler."

I got up and slowly walked out of the room. I headed to my bedroom to sleep. I didn't even think that I had left two wild tigers in the same room. I quickly bandaged my hand and crawled into bed letting sleep consume me immediately.  _Hope the kid gets home safe._


	4. Trouble Day 2

I smiled at the door when I got back out of bed. It was the next day. The house was empty and quiet except for myself and Hime. I walked out to the kitchen and grabbed a can of tuna. "Hime, tuna."

A little brown tabby cat came running up to my leg. I smile and pick her up. "Hungry girl?" I say smiling.

Hime rubs her nose on my face and I laugh. I set her down and open the can giving it to her. I then hear a knock at the door and look down to make sure I have pants on. I do.

I head to the door and open it to see Ito standing there with a cake and a really hot guy. "Hello Ito. What brings you back to my humble home?"

He walks in and sets the cake on the table. "I came to thank you for yesterday and the night before. Plus I need to apologize for what I said." I ruffle his hair.

"Don't apologize. What you said was true and yah I should be more careful about overworking myself." I say closing the door behind them. "Want some tea?"

Ito nods and I go to the kitchen. I start tea and hear him dragging the other person into the room. "Raven meet my brother." I nod. "Leo meet Raven my friend."


	5. Dangerous Love

**-Sorry for the long wait I went blank on ideas-**

I smile at the two. "Nice to meet ya." My phone goes off. I sigh and unplug it from the wall. Ito looks at me funny. "My editor won't leave me alone after what you said yesterday."

Ito blushes. "Sorry but what I said was important."

I nod. "I know it was but still I haven't really had a good talking to like that in forever it was refreshing. I guess I do need to sleep and get my head straight but that isn't easy for a writer these days. Most writers are stuck up snobs who never leave their houses. I on the other hand am quite social. I love to talk to people about my books. Their opinions. their thoughts, their idea's and most of all what they want to see come from my books."

Ito's eyes go wide and he smiles. "That's so great! I agree most writers are snobby recluses."

I laugh softly and ruffle his hair. "So This is the brother that reads my books. It's nice to meet him." I reach over to the table and see the stack of books left to sign. I sigh. "I still have all these to sign. Here." I go to my office and get a copy of one of my books from when I was under a different editor and company. I hand it to Leo. "This is one of my earlier books before I was with the company I am now."

Leo looks at it and see's the name and his eyes go wide. "Your!?"

I nod and go to get the tea that's whistling. I set it on a cooling stand and look to Ito. "Can you get three glasses out of the cabinet over there? I can't use both hands perfectly after yesterday."

Ito nods and rushes over gets them. A soft knock on the door is heard before a soft voice is heard. I look back and see a short teen in all black with flaming red hair.  ***"Watashi wa jibun no heya de jibun no mono wa saki ni iku to Kuroshi sore o shutoku shite imasu." (I have your stuff in my room go ahead and get it Kuroshi.)**

 

***Japanese (really bad)**


	6. Admitting to the Pain Day 1

I watched Leo and Ito's eyes go wide when I spoke in a foreign language. I ignored them and went to Kuroshi.

 ***"Anata wa jigoku Kuroshi no yō ni miemasu. Anata jishin ga ima ni natta nodesu ka? Man anata wa, shite iru anata wa totemo ki mijikaku suru tame ni shiyō sa reru seichō shimasu." (You look like hell Kuroshi. What did you get yourself into now? Man you have grown you used to be so damn short.)**  I said then ruffled his hair.

"Uncle stop it. You dumbass." Kuroshi said in English spoiling my fun. I pouted.

"Just go get your stuff Kuroshi." I say and go back to the tea. My silver hair hanging loose down my back.

"You are such a pain Uncle. Why do you always start speaking Japanese when you see me? Just because i'm named after an anime character doesn't mean i'm Japanese." Kuroshi says getting his backpack and books out of my room.

"Cause I feel like it Kuroshi. Go and get your ass to school already dammit and don't ever call me a dumbass again. I'm in college for crying out loud. I have a Senpai." I say smiling.

"Oh you mean that Senpai you've been crushing on for years? What's his name again?" Kuroshi asks making Ito and Leo listen in closer.

"His name Truthe. Loki-Kun. How could you forget I talk about him constantly? Damn that guy hates all gays so I just never told him. Eight years I've loved him and I am fine with him never knowing. I think it's best he doesn't. He would hate me more than he already does." I say sighing sadly. "Doesn't matter anyway. I'm gay he's straight. I would only hurt him telling him since he trusts me."


	7. Admitting to the Pain Day 2

Ito's jaw drops. He looks over at his brother who looks like he's about to explode in anger. His brother was wearing his hair up and away from his face so he looked different than usual. "NI...GURA!" He shouts and goes to hit me. 

I jump back swiftly. "What the he.... Senpai?" My eyes go wide.  _'Oh shit he heard all that.'_ I watch his angry glare and him grab a knife off the counter set. "N..now calm down Senpai...Please put that....back." I say then yelp as it barely misses my face when he lunges at me again.

He stalks up to me and growls deeply. "I trusted you." He said then went for my throat with the knife. I yelped and slipped to the floor just in time to avoid the knife. I back flip one handed out of the way.

"Senpai stop this. I really don't want to have to hurt you." I say avoiding his attacks. I had forgotten how violent he was with anyone who was gay. That excluded his brother.

"No. Die Homosexual! I hope the whole homosexual race dies." He says as I get backed into a corner by him. I gulp.  _'Shit he's serious.'_ I look at Kuroshi and Ito to see them sweat dropping. Both Kuroshi and Ito were gay.


	8. Running Away Day 1

**\----Two hours later----**

We had finally got Leo calmed. I had left the apartment leaving them in it. I couldn't stay. It hurt too much knowing he fully hated me now. I headed to the college. I needed to do something that would make him feel better. I went to the headmasters office and filed for an immediate withdrawal from the school.

They tried to convince me to stay and I shook my head no. I just couldn't. I filled it out and quickly left the building. As I got outside I looked back once and then drove to the bar Akacia. I didn't even stop at the bar just went upstairs to the spare bedroom Bennith had. It was stocked with beer and no one would bother me.

I locked the door and started crying. I was broken inside and was going to try fixing the pain with alcohol. After clearing my tears enough to walk over to the fridge I grabbed several beer. I opened the first one and downed it not caring I would be hungover the next day. Bennith knocked on the door. "You ok man? Unlock the door."

"I'll unlock the door if you can promise to keep the alcohol stocked in here Ben. I'm going to be drinking all that's here." I say starting on the second bottle.

"I'll do that but can I come in Raven?" He asks and I unlock the door. He comes in and see's disheveled appearance. "Raven? You...You look terrible what happened?"I proceeded to tell him everything that had happened. He made sure to keep my pretty much liquor bogged. I didn't even realize when i'd passed out and my stay had extended to a week's time.


	9. Running Away Day 2

**Leo's POV**

I felt terrible. Raven. I'd gone and hurt him. He was gone. He left the university and hasn't gone home. His editor and manager haven't seen him. My actions had pissed off Ito. I also found out Ito was gay when he saw Raven run off. I felt like a total ass.

I tried calling him and he didn't answer. I eventually moved on and started to forget him. It was weird not having him around. I don't know what to do any more now that there's no one around for me to yell at.

**-Three Years Later-**

It's been three full years and no one has seen Raven. His family didn't care to go looking for him. His apartment was cleared out about a month after the incident. Not a thing left. His car was found abandoned at a truck stop.

About a week ago an unidentified white haired man was found dead. I nearly had a heart attack when Ito said Raven's name. He thought it was him. I almost did until this morning when they announced that the guy was younger than Raven.

Ito goes to this bar all the time hoping that Raven will show up there. He hasn't found him yet. I graduated with high honors from the university and teach there now. I took over the English Department. The job that  _he_  was trying to help me achieve.

On my desk I kept a picture of the two of us at a seminar. I stood there like a stiff while he was draped over my shoulder with a peace sign. I look at it every now and then when I get lost in thought. I missed his goofy weirdness. The way he acted when I yelled at him.

I thought he was my friend then  _it_ happened and I lost it. He was gone and no one knew where or even if he was alive. I sat at my desk at home looking at a similar picture where we were out drinking and he had taken a picture of us toasting to our success on the finals coming up. The phone rang. I picked it up and nearly dropped it.

"Loki-Kun... Senpai... " Was what I heard answering the phone.


	10. No Longer Bright Day 1

***This is going to be a short chapter sorry.***

**(Raven's POV)**

I decided it was time I showed myself. Three years locking myself away from  _his_  world was too long. I missed Senpai but I just couldn't go see him. I was too broken. I cried for weeks and stopped doing any work. I had when no one was looking slipped out of the country to Paris but that didn't help any. I made friends but I just felt empty.

I came back to get a few things quickly only to see a very drunk Ito at the bar. When he spotted me before I could get passed him he clung to me crying. I scooped him up in my arms and carried him upstairs to the room I had escaped to before.

Once inside I lid him on the bed and watched him pass out from too much alcohol. I pulled his phone out and dialed the one person I had avoided. His brother.  _Senpai._ I almost didn't say anything when he answered. I took a deep breath. "Loki-Kun....Senpai..." I said walking to the bathroom to talk with him. I seen my eyes in the mirror. They were dull and lifeless. They were no longer bright like they were three years ago before he knew.


	11. No Longer Bright Day 2

**(Senpai's POV)**

I knew that voice so well. I felt my heart race and my breath hitch for a second. "R...Raven?" I asked even though I knew it was him. I was so worried about him. Ito was more though.

"Y...yeah its me Senpai. I mean Mr. Truthe. I called to tell you that your brother has drunk himself till he passed out and you need to come get him. He's at the bar Akacia. It's on 5th street. You'll know it when you see it." He said and I didn't know what to say. He had corrected himself on calling me Senpai like it was something terrible. Hearing that hurt.

"Okay i'll be there. Are you going to be there?" I asked softly. There was a pause on his end of the phone.

"...Maybe. It depends on if you are going to try and kill me again. Plus I have a life in Paris to get back to." He says and I nearly drop the phone.  _Paris! Is that where he's been?_ "I guess we'll see each other maybe. Oh and Senpai... i'm sorry."

He quickly hung up before I could say anything else.  _That idiot. He won't even let me fucking apologize. Wait...do I want to apologize? Yes. Yes I do. "_ Yah this could be my chance to say i'm sorry to him as well."

I quickly got my car keys and headed down and out to the garage. I got in my car and drove to where he had told me.  _His voice it sounded sad. It sounded dead. Like you've lost it all._  "Please tell me you haven't given up. You sounded like you had lost all purpose. Please let my ears be wrong."

 


	12. Saying Goodbye...maybe

***Merry Christmas everyone!***

**(Raven's POV)**

_Senpai. Senpai was coming here..._  It worried me.  _What would he think...wait a minute! I don't care._  I got up and went to the bathroom to shower. Ito hadn't recognized me through his drunken haze. I was glad. He would start asking too many questions.

I shower and didn't hear Senpai slip into the room.  I walked up to his brother's sleeping form. When I had finished I came out of the bathroom in a towel and my hair wet. I was rubbing a towel in my hair when I looked up and saw Leo in the room. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the worst.

"Hello Mr. Truthe." I say going to the closet and grabbing a suit.  I see him look my way and blush. I had acquired some scars on my back and chest over the three years I was gone. "I'll be with you soon just let me change." I slip back in the bathroom and get dressed. 

"R...Raven?" He said and I whimpered. "Come out of there."I dressed then opened the door to see him about to open it. I flinch at seeing him then shove past him. 

"If you came to talk I don't have time..." I started to say but was startled when he hugged me from behind. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Why?" I looked over my shoulder at him. "Why did you run from me? You didn't have to quit school and disappear...so Why?" He clung to me.

"You don't have the right to say anything to me. You were the reason for it all." I say jerking free of his grasp. I walk to the fridge and pull out a beer. I open it and take a swig. "Why should I tell you anything? You broke me...I can't write...I can't work...I can't do this..." I say feeling tears as my voice cracks. My vision blurs and I slide down the wall. "I attempted suicide...but somehow didn't die...I tried to forget you...I dated other men to try and block your face from my mind...it didn't work."

I took another swig before looking at him. "I'm sorry..." He said making me look down at my hands. 

"I'm not worthy of your apologies..." I say drinking the rest of the beer then feeling his arms around me. "Please...don't touch me i'm just a worthless fag..." I feel his arms tighten around me at my words. 

"You're not. You're not worthless. I want to apologize for what I did. I was wrong. I've wanted to apologize for three years." He said making me cry into his chest.


	13. Telling him

**(Loki's POV)**

_I'm going. I'm really going to see him...._  It worried me.  _What would he think...wait a minute! I don't care. Can I apologize right?_  I got up and called a cab. Ito hadn't figured it out yet that he was Raven. I was glad. He would start asking too many questions.

I got out of the cab and paled.  _A gay bar? A GAY BAR!!!!!_  I hurry inside and ignore the looks i'm getting. I was told to go to the bartender to get the card key. I smile softly then rush up to the room. I stop in front of the door and take a few calming breaths. "Please don't hate me..." I whispered before sliding the card and slip into the room. 

I walked up to my brother's sleeping form.  _Where was he?_  I heard a shower running.  _He must be in there. Is it okay if I wait? Yeah it should be since I came to get Ito._ I heard him come out of the bathroom and froze. I was scared to look at him.  _He could hate me. I just want to know?_

"Hello Mr. Truthe." He says going to the closet and grabbing a suit. I look his way and blush. He's only in a towel. I frown. He had acquired some scars on his back and chest over the three years he was gone. "I'll be with you soon just let me change." He slips back in the bathroom and gets dressed.

"R...Raven?" I said and he whimpered. "Come out of there." I said and he dressed then opened the door. We were face to face since I was about to open it. He flinched at seeing me then shove past me.  _Is he still mad at me?_

"If you came to talk I don't have time..." He started to say but was startled when I hugged him from behind. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"Why?" He looked over his shoulder at me. "Why did you run from me? You didn't have to quit school and disappear...so Why?" I clung to him.  _I'm sorry._

"You don't have the right to say anything to me. You were the reason for it all." raven says jerking free of my grasp. He then walks to the fridge and pulls out a beer. He open it and take a swig. "Why should I tell you anything? You broke me...I can't write...I can't work...I can't do this..." He say feeling tears as his voice cracks. His vision blurs and then he slides down the wall. "I attempted suicide...but somehow didn't die...I tried to forget you...I dated other men to try and block your face from my mind...it didn't work." 

I gasp hearing that he's attempted suicide because of me.  _This is all my fault. I'm such an idiot._  He took another swig before looking at me. "I'm sorry..." I said making him look down at his hands.

"I'm not worthy of your apologies..." He say drinking the rest of the beer then feeling my arms around him. "Please...don't touch me i'm just a worthless fag..." I tighten my arms around him at those words.

"You're not. You're not worthless. I want to apologize for what I did. I was wrong. I've wanted to apologize for three years." I said making him cry into his chest. I was crying now too and did something I will never forget. I brought our lips together in a full on kiss.  _I'm not gay but only for you will I do this. Only for you, Raven._


	14. Something New, Something Permanent?

**(Raven's POV)**

_He's hugging me. We are crying...holy crap he's kissing me? I think I might faint._  I flinched when the door to the room opened with a creak and my eyes went wide. "Leo..." I push Senpai away from me and then open my arms as an adorable almost three year old boy jumps in my arms.

"Daddy I had a bad dream again." I hugged him to me as he said that. I saw Senpai staring at me weirdly but I shrugged it off.

"It's okay Leo, i'm here. Daddy's right here no bad dream is going to hurt you. Is your brother still asleep?" I ask getting up from the floor with him curled into my arms.

"Yes, Iku is still sweepy." He said to me and I turned to Senpai.

"Sorry, this is my son Leo and he gets a lot of bad dreams. I'm going to go put him back to bed really quick. I have to check on my other son too." I saw him stand up and smile.

"Let me help you." He said which made me smile.

"T... thanks." I stutter out and go to the room across the hall. I walk up to the big bed that has an adorable little black haired boy asleep in it. Leo was blonde while his twin was black haired. Leo yawned and pretty much fell asleep once his head was on the pillow. "My little twin boys." I gently ran my fingers through the two's hair.

Senpai hugged me from behind. "I want to try... I want to be your... boyfriend." I gasped as he asked the most important thing he could have. "Please..."

I nodded. "Yeah but don't break my heart... I'm barely okay as it is."

"I'll try not to...you are special I'm doing all this only for you." He said awkwardly. I could tell he wasn't comfortable being this close to a gay person besides his brother.

**(Short chapter)**


	15. Working on it but...We're Drunk

**Senpai's POV**

We sat down and talked for quite a while. I couldn't think straight. My mind was going nuts. I couldn't believe that this innocent little shit went through such hell because of my stupidity. Raven's eyes weren't sparkling like they used to. This made me sad. He used to be such a ball of energy and loved helping me. He was precious to me and I ran him off. Completely out of the country at that.

"Raven, i'm really sorry about the way I acted back then. I was a total ass." I said looking at the beer in my hand. I usually refrained from drinking too much. Right now to not leave and throw up from saying I am dating him is what the beer is for.  

His eyes kept darting away from me to the room his children were in. I paused.  _His children._  Raven had gotten a girl pregnant and he had their kids. "S...so you had twins?" I asked and he nodded before sipping his drink.

"Yeah. A result between my friend in Paris and my drunken stupor after you...well...one thing led to another and we had a one night stand that resulted in the twins." Raven said looking at his hands now. 

"May I ask where she is?" Raven sighed at my words. I bit my lip hoping that I hadn't been too forward with asking him such questions. Maybe it was a bit needed to be asked but still. I needed to know.

"She died while giving birth to them. There was a car crash and she was so badly injured that they could only save the twins." I had a feeling there was more to it cause he looked like it hurt remembering. "I was driving. It was my fault she died. The twins weren't due for another month and a half. They almost died too...it should have been me." He said gripping his beer and gritting his teeth. 

"Why do you think you are at fault?" I asked hoping that it would help him heal some of the pain he was feeling. He would do whatever it takes to return the old Raven's smile. He meant  _anything_. 

Raven looked up at him softly. It could easily be seen that he was almost in tears. "I wasn't watching the road...so that makes it my fault right?" He could hear the hesitation in his voice. There was definitely more to the story. "Was it wrong of me to look away from the road to protect her from the car following us or the guy trying to shoot her? She wouldn't have died if I had kept my eyes on the road."

I got up and pulled him into my arms. I was feeling drunk so I had no clue what would happen since when I get drunk I don't remember afterwards. I only meant to comfort him but that is not what happened. Things happened and then the night was spent in ways we both wouldn't remember in the morning. But to wake up in the situation I did was not something I ever dreamed would happen. Something that made me sick to my stomach.


	16. Waking up in Compromising Positions

**Raven's POV**

I groaned as I woke up. My mind was fuzzy. What happened after Senpai showed up? Wait we talked right? Am I right? My head was still really jumbled and fuzzy. I sat up and felt the covers slide down to my hips. It took me a moment but I felt around for my glasses. I put them on then stretched. As my hands came back down to my sides I felt something rather warm under my palm.  

The second I looked down I regretted it. I squeaked and jumped out of the bed and flattening myself against the wall. I quickly slipped on boxers. I stayed away from the bed trying to calm myself down.  _I just woke up with my Senpai naked in bed with me... What did we do? D...Did we do the deed or just only get this far?_  Once I calmed down enough I realized my back, hips, and pretty much everywhere was sore.  _Oh god, we did!_

I saw him start to wake up and I cringed.  _I'm going to die today. God, kami-sama, Buddha, deities, whoever's up there... please save me._  When Senpai sat up completely he was silent. I gulped as he looked up at me from the bed. "We..." He said and I nodded before he could finish.

He looks at all the empty beer bottles scattered around the room. I do the same. I hope he's okay with what happened.  _Haha...like that would happen._  I look at the floor. "I'm sorry... this wouldn't have happened if I had just dropped Ito off at your place... you wouldn't have... we wouldn't have done this." I say.

He shook his head. "No, neither of us should place blame. I did ask you to be my boyfriend though this was a bit much. I don't remember much after that though." I could tell he was forcing himself to not attack me or at the least vomit. His teeth were clenched as he spoke and his hand had a death grip on the bed.  _He was definitely not okay with this in any form or way._


	17. So... Where do we go from here?

** Loki-Kun/Senpai's POV **

We dressed silently after waking up the way we had. I bit my lip and felt guilty on top of slightly disgusted at myself when I saw him limping around. I had sex with Raven... I couldn't remember anything after hugging him when he was crying. I can't believe I let myself get that drunk.

Raven started picking up all the scattered empty beer bottles and tossed them in the glass recycling bin that I didn't even realize was across the room. His hands had black stains on them.  _Why? What would make those...? Ink!_

I reached for him and then searched the room. On the night table beside the bed was a notebook and ink. Again, I looked at his hands and pointed to the stains. "You were writing again." I said as he looked at it confused. He looked at the night table before jolting over and picking it up. His eyes scanned through the notebook. "What did you write?"

He looked between the words on the page and me. "This... This is a book that I had started after I left. I just couldn't write an ending where the characters didn't all die." He set the book down and turned to me. "Will you please read the ending for me?" I nodded and picked up the notebook to begin reading the ending.

"As the lights went out and gunshots rang through the reception hall, a single thought rang through the groom's head. 'I will protect her.' He grabbed his beloved bride to use his own body as a shield. Turning so that she was protected in his arms he whispered the words he had been wanting to say for the longest time but had been scared to. 'Arara, you're my everything and my Donna.' Arara cupped his cheek as she let tears slide down her cheeks. She could already tell he had been shot protecting her. "And you, Blake are my world. My beautiful Don. My Darling Mafia Emperor." Giving him a kiss she felt her own body jolt from being shot. Those were their last words and moments together as the Don and Donna of the most important Mafia family. At least they got to be with each other until the end. Ten years later two soft cries were heard in two hospitals across the city. One a boy and the other a girl. Both bearing souls of a Don and Donna who were fated to meet once more."

I looked at him after reading. I hadn't the slightest clue what I had read but only knew I was crying. This was great and wanted to congratulate him. "Beautiful." I said walking up behind him. "You wrote this? It's beautiful." He smiled. A genuine smile that I hadn't seen since back then before I ruined everything.

**The book ending Raven wrote is from a book I wrote five years ago and won't be publishing.**


	18. Chapter 18: Home...

**Raven's POV**

I looked at Senpai. "I'm glad I was able to write again." I gave a gentle smile and leaned on the table. It wobbled a bit as it supported my weight. I heard clattering in the room across the hall. The sounds made me smile. "Seems the twins are awake."

Loki nodded and straightened his clothes more. "So, what do we do?" He asked and I stood and walked to him. He didn't step away or touch me so I made sure not to touch him. I could tell he was very uncomfortable. 

"Well, lets start from here." I held out my hand. "I'm Raven Nigura and I have a masters in English along with a bachelors in Science and three jobs. I work as an actor/model, a writer, and i'm a full time single father of two adorable, twin boys. Currently, I have been running from my past and am gay. I realize a lot of people may not like me because of that but i've decided to not let it get to me. I'm currently dating my ex-Senpai from college as of last night."

Loki takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. I take that as a sign to continue. " My nickname at the gay bar Akacia is Angel-Kun. I'm twenty-five years old, male, five foot eight inches tall, shoe size is seven. I weight is 119.5 lbs. My Astrological sign is Leo the lion since my birthday is Wednesday, August 8, 1990 and I am beyond still in love with my Senpai. I like drawing, writing, being treated with care, and I tend to overwork myself. I dislike homophobes, my rapist father, people who cant accept individuals, the way that humans are ruining the earth, work on weekends. My talents are writing, art, singing, speaks eight languages fluently, dancing, and acting. I own a cute brown Tabby named Hime and might be moving back into my penthouse if you don't mind me coming back to stay."

I looked at him as I spoke and he squeezed my hand a second time. "I'd welcome you back." He said right before the door was opened by the twins and Ito. Ito nearly jumped me but he skidded to a stop at the sigh of us holding hands. He then smiled and wrapped me in a hug. There were tears running down his face. 

"Welcome home." Ito said as I hugged him back. His words hit home rather hard and I clung to him tightly. Tears springing to my eyes as the twins wrapped themselves around my legs in worry. I looked at them then Loki. I burst into tears.I felt Loki hug me too as he knew I needed the hug.

"I'm finally home..." I said happily. 

**~Fin~**

**This is a thank you to everyone who stuck with me for this long. I am actually proud of this book and am excited to start work on book two.**


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